Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Better, sort of

Why are things at my house better these days than they were all winter?

Part of it is because G is in less pain than he was for about 5 months last fall and well into the winter.

Part of it is because I have given up the idea that he will resume the twice a week cognitive training class he abandoned when the pain started last October (and which he really liked and we both felt helped him, and now, for no reason he can express to me, won't consider restarting).

Part of it is because the days are longer and warmer and I can be in the garden, weeding, taking pictures, cutting flowers, and recharging my batteries.

Part of it is because I have taken a part time office job in town so have a little money coming in, and G can still manage on his own for short stints.

Most of it is because G is in a stable place, and I have (mostly) accepted this new, lower stair step on the long, descending staircase of the disease that dictates so much of our lives.

As I've said before, the accepting of the new lows used to come more quickly for me. I could find ways to cope and move forward within days of some new problem. I don't know what the difference is now vs. before. Is it because we have been fighting this for more than five years, and I'm tired of the fight? Or because the new lows are more disruptive to a "normal" life? Probably more of the latter.

Whatever the reason, I will count my blessings and hang on to this as long as I can, because the next stair step is out there somewhere.

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