A little sunshine

Rhubarb crisp

Saturday night we had an hour of happiness: G actually smiled and laughed at some things I said and did, and again during a Britcom we watched. I hadn't realized how much his misery has affected me until I saw a spark of his old self. It had been almost six weeks since he had smiled or laughed. Six. Weeks. No idea what made the difference, and he hasn't had another flash of brightness like that since. Still compulsively restless and irritable, sometimes angry, alternating with being asleep. Few times each day is he awake and calm. I've increased the anti-anxiety med twice, per doctor's orders, most recently yesterday afternoon. He's still at a low level of the drug, and today we had a psych nurse pay us a visit. She gave me hope, told me the recovery from the impact of the infection could take a lot more time, but still could happen. She's coming again tomorrow to have a longer discussion about what things we could try. And I learned something else from her: did you know that drinking warmed milk has a calming effect?

We now have caregivers daily, so I can work, walk Oscar, go to exercise class, get groceries, work in the garden, pick rhubarb and make rhubarb crisp for dessert...but when the caregivers aren't here and G is awake, it is very difficult to do anything except continue to respond to his pleas for help.